One morning, Sogar Gofin was staring bleakly into the glow of the light emitting diodes of his laptop computer. He had been up all night trying to devise a function in SML that would multiply "arbitrary precision" integers, each of which was a list representing a polynomial where the (i)th integer in the list was the constant attached to the (i-1)th power of x in that polynomial. Regardless of the details, Sogar had watched the previous day's sun fall into night from his window, then back up again, illuminating the horizon with flickers of the new day's first rays. In other words, he was awful at writing SML programs. To take his mind off his horrible situation, he opted to go downstairs for a fresh cup of coffee. Lo and behold, when he examined the contents of his familiar pot, he noticed that the coffee had become cold! Sogar, having dealt with this situation many times in the past, rolled up his sleeves, warmed up his hands, readied his stance, and launched an electricity bolt straight at the coffee pot, instantly broiling it with searing heat and static electricity. You see, Sogar, unlike most normal Comp Sci students, has the ability to shoot electricity out of his hands.
After drinking his hot, staticy coffee, he decided to check his mail. He walked to the door, stepped outside, and rummaged through the mailbox. He hardly had a moment to sift through his spam mail before he was suddenly struck with a burst of pain against his head, and he fell unconscious!
Moments later, he awoke. Squinting, slowly regaining vision, he focused on beams of light shifting and glimmering through holes in the side of what he now realized was the back of a moving truck. Sogar didn't know where it was moving toward, but the feeling in his gut told him "bad, danger." This may have been related to the sushi slurry he'd eaten the previous day, but regardless, he wasn't happy. Scattering toward the front of the van, he peered through the dirty plastic panels leading to the driver section. Gasping, he questioned his sight. As far as he could tell, this truck was being driven by a pair of robots! Sogar, disoriented and infuriated, shouted at the robots, "What is this madness? I've got SML functions to write, ok?! Let me out! Where are you taking me? And since when have robots sufficiently advanced such that they 1) no longer dance, constantly, and 2) drive cars?" The robots, creaking with their lack of oil, laughed sinisterly. The driver scoffed, "Woah there SML boy, why don't you write a function that gets yourself out? Mwa ha ha!" His rusty companion joined, saying, "You'll get yours, you electrical freak! ...whose powers are oddly similar to those of Megaman, but of absolutely no relation....as Megaman is a trademark of Nintendo Corporation, which is not affiliated with this project in any way, shape, or form.....! But uhm...yeah.. the Boss has special plans for you!"
Rage seethed through Sogar, particularly due to the SML comments, and he wasn't having this one bit. He aimed his hands at the two robots, readied himself, and launched a pair of deadly electrical bolts toward their innards!
*Explosion!*
They were annihilated in milliseconds, and the truck began to spin out, screeching into a sharp halt. Sogar, gathering himself quickly, sprang out the hole he had created with his blast and soaked in his surroundings. For a moment, he gasped with disbelief. At his feet and surrounding him on all sides, he found himself standing in a replica of the Cut Man level from the original Megaman for the NES! He found this greatly ironic, as this was the very same game that was mentioned not moments ago, for seemingly no reason whatsoever. He knew something was up, so he returned to the dilapidated truck to search for clues.Inside the rubble, he came across a communication device resembling a walkie talkie. He pressed the button on the side, speaking into it, "Who's out there? Who did this to me? Come and face me yourself, coward!" He waited a moment to see if his threat fell on any ears. Suddenly, a burst of static from the speaker, then a deep rumble, slow and threatening, and finally, amidst the rumbling, cracked a voice: "....Soo, the great Sogar Gofin has graced my humble Megaman replica with his presence. It was I who did this to you! Who brought you here! Mwa ha ha! If it is me you seek, then it is me you must find, if you can get past my robot guardians, that is! Mwa ha ha! Note that they are particularly advanced, combining both a distributed neural net-based speech production algorithm with a wiki-collected recognition grammar unwittingly contributed to from players of a rigged on-line gambling website, aided by machine-generated machines generating gears of carbon nano-tube.... - At this point, Sogar was looking at a funny shaped cloud, not paying attention. "Pfft!" said the voice, "you don't know what's good. In any event, I highly doubt you are capable, assuming your ability to code in SML is any reflection on your ability to defeat enemies." This crossed the line, infuriating Sogar, who screamed back, "EXCUSE ME, I was listening, ok! And I'd like to see you write that function! Do you have any idea how confusing recursion can be?! ......argh, who is this? And what are you up to? And for the record, this story, TERRIBLE!" There was a pause, then the grumbling, ".....heh heh heh.....you wish to know who I am? Well, you may call me 'Last Boss'. If you really call yourself a hero, then come, face me, and prove yourself, ~hero~!"
Sogar was pretty sure he had never called himself a hero, but he was through with the smalltalk. He was also through with writing this ridiculous story. So, he rolled up his sleeves, readied his hands, and began walking through the replica...